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Motherhood Brings Image of Breasts Full Circle
By Melanie Grist
As my little boy lays beside me content and peacefully nursing, I gaze into his face and wonder how I ever could have thought that breastfeeding was gross or wrong. As ashamed as I am to admit it, at one time I did not believe in breastfeeding. I hit puberty at a very early age. I started developing breasts at 9 years of age and started my period at 10. I hated every minute of it. I felt as if part of my childhood was being robbed from me. I was constantly teased and harassed by both boys and girls. At 12, I had to deal with grown men leering at me and staring at my breasts. I grew to loathe my breasts and to see them as nothing but a nasty, purely sexual part of a woman's body.
I grew up and still carried this resentment towards my breasts and society. I was around 20 years of age when one of my friends became pregnant. She told me she was planning on breastfeeding. I was so grossed out and asked her what in the world she was going to do THAT for. I feel so bad about that now and have apologized numerous times to her.
My mother never talked about breastfeeding and I was never around it much, so I had no idea about breastfeeding and using our breasts for what God intended them for. All the encounters I had ever been through concerning my breasts had always been negative and usually sexual. Then something happened that changed my entire way of thinking. I became pregnant!
I couldn't believe it. I have a condition called polycystic ovarian syndrome and thought for sure I would never be able to have a child naturally. I was ecstatic and immediately started researching everything about parenting. I started educating myself about breastfeeding and knew immediately that there was no way I could not give my baby the very best. He deserved everything I had in my will power to give him and that included his mommy's milk!
My son has never been sick -- no earaches, no colds, nothing. He is very well-adjusted, takes to strangers well and is always smiling. He seldom cries at all. He is 11 months old now and is still mostly just breastfed. He takes little tastes of things here and there and really enjoys eating his baby cookies, but is still mostly just breastfed. He weighs a nice, healthy, chubby 25 pounds and is the absolute biggest delight of my life. We co-sleep and I use cloth diapers on him. I have always utilized a sling as well (my choice is The Over The Shoulder Baby Holder). He has always been breastfed on demand and I have loved every moment of it.
Breastfeeding has helped me to come full circle in my acceptance of my breasts and thus my womanhood and sexuality. I finally feel like all the suffering and teasing I went through served a good purpose as to what truly wonderful blessings my breasts are.
I have been able to help my child to get the best start in life he possibly can. He loves nursing and I enjoy every moment of it. I now thank God every day for giving me breasts to nourish my child both physically and emotionally with. I believe in child-led weaning. My son will nurse for as long as he wants. I do not know how to say at X age my milk will no longer benefit my son either nutritiously or emotionally. He and only he will know when that time comes.
I thank God for giving me Zebedia (my son -- his name means God's gift) and for allowing me to experience this wonderful nursing relationship. I truly do feel I am now complete and have come full circle.
Happy nursing to all you breastfeeding mothers out there. Remember to cherish every minute you are blessed with to spend nursing your child. These are precious days and oh so few. Hold on to these moments and cherish the memories forever.