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Learning to Be the Best Mother I Can Be
By One of Our Guests
When I was growing up, I wasn't raised by my mother, and that was something that, even now, makes me sad. It wasn't because she died or anything, it was because when my father died when I was 6, she never took his death very well. She used to send my brother and me to my grandmother's house for every holiday and vacation. Eventually, she would leave us with my grandmother and my aunt and uncle permanently.
I promised myself that if I ever had children, I would be the best mother I could be.
Time passed and my mother and I had reconciled and I thought that was great. This reconciliation was not to last. At 28, I became pregnant with my son, Pepe, with my high school sweetheart, Ross. I was the happiest I ever thought I could be, until I told her I was pregnant. Ever since we met, she did not like him, and did not mind telling me. That did not matter to me as much any more. I was starting my family with the man I had always loved, and whatever were the issues, were hers, not mine.
Even though she won't speak to me, I still try to stay in contact with her by sending pictures of the children and cards.
When I was pregnant with Pepe, I remembered my next door neighbor, Marilyn, and how she nursed her children, and I admired how close she was to them, seeing as that was something that I didn't have. I knew that since that was why God gave women breasts, that was the only thing that would be good enough for my son.
I delivered Pepe by C-section and due to complications, was not able to nurse him. That did not get me down. I still loved and nurtured him as much as I could.
Some time later, I became pregnant again with my daughter, and throughout my pregnancy, I prayed not only for a vaginal birth, but that I would have the opportunity to nurse. I was blessed and my prayers were answered. I delivered a healthy baby girl, Elena, on March 1, 2000.
She's 2 now, and I am still nursing and dread the day when she is fully weaned. Even though she only nurses a couple of times a day, usually to fall asleep, I treasure every moment. I look at my two beautiful children, and really wonder where the time goes. I hope and pray that I can live up to the expectations I have set for myself as a mother. All I can do is pray to the good Lord and do my best. But at least I tried to start them off right.